Talent Crossover....

Now don't get me wrong. There are some out there for whom fortune has smiled, and they can turn their hands to just about anything. Ian Botham, cricketer, half decent on the footie field, Billy Connolly, top comedian, can act a bit, to name just a couple, but who are these fuckwit little agents who constantly tell 'celebrities' that they are talented enough to cross over into other genres? Why did the whole cast of neighbours throughout the eighties and nineties believe they could sing for example? Why do so many comedians insist on delivering a painfully badly sung favourite at the end of an otherwise entertaining night of laughter, with a ludicrously serious look in their eyes?

And why does celebrity welsh-chav Charlotte Church (right) think that she's talented enough to present us with the imaginatively titled "The Charlotte Church Show" last night on TV? She can sing. The girl has a lovely voice, it can't be denied, and the transition from teen classical singer to pop starlet must have been a tough one which she managed to deal with. Can't knock the lass for wanting to stay on top of her game. But who the hell told her she'd be good in a comedy sketch/variety type show? She was dumped into the middle of a script which was entirely reliant on bucket loads of self-mocking welsh jokes, and (cringingly looking like the bits she wrote herself) chavette style snide remarks about other celebrities body shapes. Now when the girl is quite cute, but has got 'future Miss lard -arse of the world' written all over that body shape, she wants to watch who's body she chuckles at. (No, it isn't puppy fat, she ain't twelve anymore.)

Perhaps we should all take a leaf out of the celebrity cross-over phenomenon. Perhaps they're right, we're all incredibly multi-talented, if only we had their courage in exploring our skills. So next time you've got the plumber round fixing a leak, get him to have a bash at cooking you a meal for later. Get your dentist to fix that annoying banging noise from under the bonnet of your car next time you see him, and while the vet's got his hand up the dog's bum, see if he can run you up a nice cocktail dress for this evening.